This one was just plain old fun!

PANTS DOWN

So here’s what happened. Me and Bill were getting ready for bed. Bill (that’s my husband) had hopped into the shower and was singing along with the Rolling Stones on the shower radio – runs on batteries you know. I got that at K-Mart on the sale rack last month and Bill just loves it. Of course he can’t carry a tune, but that’s why he likes that radio in the stall there with him cause he can turn it up real loud. Then when he sings it almost sounds like Mick.

Anyway, I had just taken my jeans off and laid em on the bed when I heard this terrible crash and then some girl screaming help help. So I ran out the front door to see if I could – help, that is.

Talk about your fender-bender. There was two cars all smashed up together. One was Mrs. Lukowski, she got hit by a carful of crazy teenagers just as she was pulling into her driveway, lucky for her it was on the passenger side. I think those kids were drunk or stoned or something. The boy driving bonked his head on the steering wheel or the airbag, one. And the girl in the passenger seat, (probably his girlfriend cause she was the one screaming, help help and then his name which I am still not sure it was Wayne or Juan or what, she was screaming real high and drawn out).

Of course all the neighbors had rushed out of their houses too, so there was this big crowd all running around in circles telling each other what to do. Well, I thought call 911 and I reached for my cell phone which I keep in the left hand pocket of my jeans and at that same exact instant my neighbor Marge who was right next to me by then said real loud, “Wilma, where are your pants?!”

Thank God my t shirt was oversized and I could sorta yank it down over my panties. By that time almost everybody on the block had their cell phones out calling 911 and the operator was telling people to hang up cause they already had someone on the way.

Well, I couldn’t see what I could do to help especially in my pantless condition so I ran back up to my porch and grabbed the door knob which I had forgotten I’d locked before I started getting ready for bed and pounded on the door and yelled for Bill. I could hear him still singing away in the shower.

Marge finally saw that I was locked out and went to her house and got me a afghan off her couch to wrap around my butt.

The cops and ambulances had got there and everybody in the wreck turned out to be okay. Though Mrs. Lukowski kept hollering, “I’m gonna sue!” Over and over till the cops calmed her down and then they took that boy to the hospital to make sure he didn’t have a concussion but they also arrested him for DUI. Not sure how that works, can you be arrested in the hospital?

Well anyway, Bill finally got out of the shower and came out to see what all the commotion was about and I was right there at the door to make sure it didn’t slam shut again. From now on when I go out the door I’m gonna check the knob from the outside to make sure it’s not locked.

Like I said, thank God that shirt I had on was so big and long cause I had on this little red thong that Bill had bought me, I’d never worn it before. And now I don’t think I’ll ever wear it again.

And that’s what happened.