What are the things in our lives that really matter? Sometimes they are very simple and small.




I HARDLY EVER LOOK AT IT

It hangs on one of those over the door racks in the bedroom and I walk past it every day. I suppose even the most bizarre object will fade into the background of your vision over time, and after all, this is just a tie.

‘Just’ is relative here, it was his tie. I bought it for him that first Christmas. It’s real silk, softer than a marshmallow. It took me forever to find just the right one; you see every color in that tie meant something to him and me.

When I gave it to him, I made him guess what the colors meant and he got six out of seven in fifteen minutes. It’s not a tie he would have bought for him self; he was a traditionalist in that way. Bankers are supposed to be conservative and his choice of neckwear substantiated that image.

Oh yes, the colors. Well, the pearl gray was representative of the San Francisco bay waters that first time we went sailing. The blue was for our eyes, odd that our eyes were the same blue, isn’t it? The ivory is for the roses he gave me on our second date. He was very particular about roses, never red, always that ivory, the color of a well loved netsuke.

The peach is for peach frozen yogurt, his favorite, not mine. I’m allergic to peaches, isn’t that funny? Yellow is an easy one, the sun of course. Brick red was for Ghirardelli Square. Oh, how many times we strolled through there.

Pale lilac was the one he missed, until I gave him a hint. “Ted, what did we plant?”

“Ah!” he said, “Rosemary. It’s those tiny flowers on the rosemary.” He smacked his forehead and laughed. “How could I forget?”

Those rust red spots weren’t on it when I bought the tie. That happened when he was shot during the robbery. You’d think he would have just stayed in his office and called 911, but no, he had to go out and confront the guy.

Why this sudden obsession with a tie I’ve been walking past for the last ten years? Good question. You know California is having a huge budget crises and one of their solutions is a big cutback on the prison population. If you ask me that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Anyway, the guy that shot Ted is getting out tomorrow, something about time served and good behavior.

I’d like to be there when he walks out of the gates. I’d like to shoot him in the heart and end his life like he ended mine when he killed my Teddy.

Don’t worry, I won’t do it, I’m a coward. But really, I just couldn’t face the monochromatic walls of a prison. I need the colors in this tie. They’re all I have left.